phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
