Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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