Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
