So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
