Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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