I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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