that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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