OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
