he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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