just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
