apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
