My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There's even glitter on my cock...
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