We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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