Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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