a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize