When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
