I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
