JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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