Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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