sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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