So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
3 2 1 whiskey
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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