Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

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(856): View more from New Jersey

she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done

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(703): View more from Virginia

just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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(530): View more from California

I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

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(650): View more from California

sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else

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(914): View more from New York

He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.

(779): View more from Illinois

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.

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