Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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