The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
