R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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