If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
