She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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