Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
