i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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