I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
