Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
