how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
