peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
