She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
