he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it was like eating out sand paper
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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