Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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