my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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