I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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