Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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