I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need moral support for this bender
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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