I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
