The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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