so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
