you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
