why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
