She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
