We're facebook friends in real life
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
