You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
