when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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