I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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