Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
