I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
