I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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