There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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