thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
