They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
