ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
