i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.