if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
