I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text