Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage