4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend