I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
