no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
