jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize