dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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