I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
