ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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