When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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