I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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