was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
