He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
