When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
