I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
