Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
