i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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