It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
