if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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